lately I always caught myself(hoho) searching something that suddenly pops up to my mind by typing some words using yahoo search.and i found this article.maybe someone’s personal opinion or something like that.quite long so those who’s not interested in this-just quit.i don’t wanna waste any of your precious time.

no comment but i guess i’ll keep it here in my blog.cause some of the words did something to my heartbeat i guess?

I have a friend who for a very long time contended that dumping someone was awful, truly awful, perhaps even worse than being dumped. She argued that she, having been forced to dump several lovers, had never gotten the amount of sympathy she deserved for the pain she had to endure putting her hapless exes out of their misery.

At the time I had never been dumped (neither had she) and was entirely persuaded by her reasoning. I, too, had never gotten sufficient sympathy. Ending a relationship hurts. True, it was a relationship you were tired of, that was driving you nuts, that you were relieved was over, but you still had fond memories. Worse still, you had to return all the cool stuff you’d borrowed (most of which was a present from you in the first place), mutual friends weren’t speaking to you, you’d had to find a new hairdresser, a new favourite café, and worst of all: not one person felt remotely sympathetic about your suffering just because you weren’t walking around swollen eyed, beating your chest and moaning. Dreadfully unfair.

Then I was dumped.

What a load of cobblers the above is. There is no comparison between being dumped and dumping someone. It’s the difference between stabbing someone and being stabbed. Even if your fingers were cramped from gripping the knife too tight, or worse case scenario, you were dumb enough to let your fingers slip on to the blade, you’re still not the one with the sucking chest wound, vital organs falling out willy-nilly. At worst you have a couple of sliced fingers. Boo-bloody-hoo.

Nothing makes it better. You were just about to dump them. Nope, you feel even worse. You never loved them anyway. Nope, not feeling less pain. You’re better off without them. Nope, bastard didn’t give you the chance to figure that out for yourself. They are now going out with the biggest whore/bastard in the known universe. Nope, cause what does that make you? Did they upgrade or downgrade?

I blame romance.

I lay the blame for the ridiculous amount of pain on the idea—reinforced by insane amounts of propaganda every single day of our lives—that without a life-partner (let’s all take turns to shudder at that neologism) you are nothing. If you’re not in a couple you’re nobody.

Life, we are taught, is about growing up. A grown up does not live with their parents, or flat with friends. A grown up has a means of support (most often a job) and a partner. But for some reason it’s the partner that’s the main bit: a person with a job who lives alone is somehow pathetic, not quite grown up—even if they’re getting laid when they want to, have thousands of friends, are world leaders in their field—they’re not complete and won’t be until they find The One.

Being a grown up is all about romantic love, but a very narrowly defined version. Romantic love is exclusive, sexual, between two (and only two) individuals. To be a true grown up you have to find your soul mate, move in together, and then reproduce. Find The One, have babies, die: that’s life.

So how come so few of the couples I know (married and unmarried) stay together longer than a year or two? How come so many of the ones that do are miserable? How come so many single people I know are happy, at least that is until they’re reminded that they’re single: "Oops, sorry, forgot, mate. Yup, you’re right. I’m miserable. Life alone is like a fish without a bicycle. A prison without walls. Sorry, miserable. Yep, that’s me, totally miserable."

How come the majority of the longest relationsionships in my circles are between good friends? That’s right "just" good friends. People who have known each other for years and years and years, have loaned each other money, helped rear each other’s children, read each other’s books, shared houses, shared jobs, but who aren’t in a sexual relationship with each other. How come the myths of our potential lives are centered around romantic love instead of friendship?

Who is this One that we’re all supposed to be waiting for? In the very few cases when The One comes along, doesn’t The One turn out to be your best friend who you just happen to find sexually attractive and enjoy living with? All the happy sexual relationships that I’ve seen last were built around close abiding friendships.

I see friends in relationships with people they don’t much like, because somehow that’s more grown up than being single. I see friendships destroyed when friends become lovers and it doesn’t work out and somehow the friendship dies in the process. I see single friends, otherwise perfectly happy, beating themselves up because they haven’t found the mythical One yet.

And "single"? What does that mean? How can someone with thousands of friends whose whole life is dominated by their relationships to their family, friends, colleagues. How can they be described as single?

I know people in couples for whom the term "single" is better suited. Totally focussed on each other, erradicating virtually every other connection they have in the world. They work together, eat together, finish each other sentences. Until finally one of them goes barking mad, the relationship ends, and then, suddenly, they each remember about friendships, communities, the existence of other people.

Why do we live in a world where one model of happiness is set up as the ideal for every one? What if one day it were decreed that we must all love chocolate? After all, the majority of people love chocolate, why shouldn’t everyone? And if you didn’t spend your whole life consuming vast amounts of the stuff your life would be viewed as a waste and a failure.

Absurd. But no more absurd than expecting everyone to want True Love with The One.

To return to my point of departure: Why is being dumped worse than dumping someone? Why do so many worlds crumble when the person you’ve talked yourself into believing is The One leaves?

Because so many of us have bought the romantic lie that all our happiness—that our very claim to a fulfilled adult life—is predicated on our success in romantic love. If it’s you ending it, you’re in control, you have hope of better things (or, if you’re crafty, you already have the next One lined up). You’re ready for what’s going to happen next.

The dumpee has made no contingency plans, is still wrapped in the warm glow of the delusions they’ve fed themselves about the relationship. Now they have to divest themselves of those delusions, find someone new who’ll be The One, not another Wrong One. A whole new bunch of delusions to weave. Or scariest of all—they must face the possibility that they may never find The One.

The truly delusional dumpee may not have any friends to turn to—not even a cat or dog—wrapped as they were in the ludicrous idea that you only need one person in your life.

That’s why being dumped is so much worse.

There is one compensation: the dumped always get sympathy. Another of the perks of a world dominated by the myth of romantic love is that people know you’re in mourning and will treat you nice.

Not so if a friendship ends. No matter how devastating, once you’re out of high school you’re supposed to be grown up enough to deal with that sort of thing on your own time. But as we all know the end of a friendship can be every bit as dreadful and destructive as the end of a romantic relationship.

Console yourself with the knowledge that it was only your lover of the last six months who dumped you, not your best friend of the last fifteen years.

Sydney, New York City & San Miguel de Allende, 10 Oct-31 Dec 2003

© 2003 Justine Larbalestier

(..just copy and paste this article though some words doesn’t related.just buang yang keruh ambil yg jernih.ehehe.:p)

anyway,pity you Justine.huk.

"but since this article was written in 2003,i guess by now you’ve already found The One..rite?"-positive thinker **wink**wink**

10 Easy Paths to Self Destruction

10 Sacrifice Sleep

Inadequate sleep (less than 7 or 8 hours a night) has been tied to many different health problems, including obesity, diabetes and cancer. Mental fatigue is also as big of a risk factor for vehicular accidents as alcohol. And just think of all the time you’d have for destructive behavior if you shunned the zzz’s altogether!

9 Ignore the Doctor

Many Americans agree that their health is hardly worth finding thirty minutes among 526,000 for that once-per-year physical exam. It’s a good tactic if early disease detection and important medical consultation are going to get in the way of your Tommy Lee lifestyle. If you don’t want to hear the doctor tell you our other tips for self-destruction are unhealthy, just don’t go.

8 Dumb Down Your Brain

Reading, doing crosswords and tackling sudokus are all risky behaviors if you’re looking to avoid Alzheimer’s. The degenerative brain disease attacks almost everyone who lives long enough, though mind games and puzzles are known to ward off the effects.

7 Have a Lot of Sex

Most people agree that sex in itself isn’t so bad, it’s how you do it that could mean life or death. The smart self-destructor doesn’t use protection, ignores the partner’s sexual history and shuns the annual medical exam. Twelve million Americans contract sexually transmitted diseases every year, many of which can leave the victim infertile. Killing yourself and preventing new births: there?s a two-fer!

6 Drive a Lot

If people wanted to increase their chance of surviving ’til a ripe old age, they’d fly everywhere. Driving kills more people aged 1 to 35 than anything else, a statistic that could drop to near zero if everyone just stayed home. But how fun would that be? So hit the road, forget the speed limit, yak on your cell phone?or worse, eat?and don’t buckle up if you’re anxious to become part of this popular statistic.

5 Drink a Lot

The occasional drink of alcohol, especially wine, can be beneficial to your health, many studies suggest. But if you’re looking to do yourself in, overdo the two-drink-per-day limit and imbibe heartily. Besides alcoholism of course, too much booze causes liver damage, diabetes and is the root cause of nearly 100,000 deaths per year.

4 Stress Out

Creating more stress in your life is a great way to invite all kinds of diseases to attack the body. When you’re chronically stressed, the adrenal glands are forced to work overtime and eventually exhaust themselves, inhibiting the immune system. So go ahead and worry about everything from the color of your socks to whether dinner will be ready on time. Your hormones won’t know what hit them.

3 Watch TV

Not only is television entertaining, it can keep us on the couch for hours at a time several days per week. The average American spends a full 9 years of his life glued to the boob tube, years that could otherwise be spent exercising. Resist the urge! Being an obese, sedentary TV-addicted couch potato makes for speedy self-destruction, though you may be a little smarter (if you watch those nerdy science channels).

2 Smoke

They don’t call them cancer sticks for nothing: Tobacco-related illnesses are America’s number two killer, and the most preventable. But if you’re bent on putting the kibosh to healthy living, go ahead and light up; just one cigarette will immediately increase your blood pressure and decrease the circulation to your extremities. Imagine what you could do with a pack.

1 Eat Junk

Last year, at least 400,000 Americans managed to kill themselves based almost solely on what they ate. Heart disease is the country’s number one killer and, while some of that comes from genetics, most of it’s due to the fat-laden, sugar-heavy junk we put in our bodies. Looking for the most effective, probably most enjoyable way to do yourself in? Have another doughnut. And make it cream-filled!

livescience.com

Who’s REALLY Threatening Your Relationship?

by David Zinczenko

No matter how well your relationship seems to be going, there are always threats circling: financial stresses that send your harmony off-key. Divergent interests and priorities that make together-time hard to schedule. But perhaps the most potent threat comes in the form of the enemy invader — the man or woman who has the power to lure your partner into the tempting and dangerous world of infidelity. And even if your partner is a man or woman of unyielding loyalty, your own jealousy-justified or not-can create a relationship hazard. So, is your jealousy justified? Let’s take a look at the prime suspects, and see if we can’t figure out what they’ve been up to.

 
The Co-Worker

In most work settings, your partner has maybe hundreds, probably dozens, or at least a few opportunities to develop good relationships with people who could be potential lovers. In most cases, those relationships are more innocent than baby lambs. Still, the average office has high potential for trouble, because it’s where your partner will meet people who think alike, who battle crises side-by-side, who work in close quarters, and who have the opportunity to really get to know (and admire) each other. While it’s crazy to obsess over every person your partner works with, chances are that if you have a gut feeling about a lurking somebody, there may be something to it.

Potential Threat Level: 4 stars (out of a possible 5)

The Drunk Stranger

It’s the scenario we all fear. Our partner goes out, hangs with friends, flirts with fellow drunks, makes a bad decision, and wakes up with their underwear hanging from some stranger’s chandelier. While the scenario lends itself easily to our imaginations, the truth is that the drunk-stranger scenario isn’t as much of a threat as we make it out to be. Why? Even drunk, most of us can be savvy enough to know that the momentary adrenaline that may come from said hookup isn’t worth the long-term damage that comes later. The exception: If your partner shows a propensity to make bad, dangerous decisions when drinking. In which case, they have to change, or go.

Potential Threat Level: 1 star (unless…)

The Ex

Tough one. Some of us want nothing more to do with our exes once we break up. And some of us keep have our exes as our desktop background for years after the split. Since we’re very sensitive about the status of the ex (according to national surveys I did for Men, Love & Sex, 20 percent of us think that searching the Internet for an ex is cheating, for example), we all know the stakes. We know that our current partner used to find something attractive about the ex-so we’re vulnerable to feeling as if we’ll never live up to that prior history. While hooking back up with an ex is tempting, most of remember exactly why we broke up in the first place. Novelty is the greatest temptation toward cheating, and that’s one thing an old flame can’t offer: the lure of something new.

Potential Threat Level: 2 stars

The Opposite-Sex Friend

Drives you crazy, eh? He meets her for coffee every week. She IMs an old college buddy a few times a month. The opposite-sex friend lurks like a hungry wolf, ready to pounce at the next opportunity. While I’m convinced that men and women can both be very good at drawing the line between friendship and romance, the truth is that it’s pretty darn easy for a long-lasting friendship to turn into a secretly burning romance. In the aforementioned surveys, one-fifth of men say they secretly love their platonic friend, with many more secretly lusting after them. That doesn’t mean that your partner can’t have opposite-sex friends, but it does mean that as the friendship grows, so do the odds of trouble.

Potential Threat Level: 5 stars 

That’s my inventory of lurking love threats. Now it’s your turn to share yours-either merging traffic that knocked your main love interest off the road, or exit ramps you’ve taken, or were tempted to take, for roadside attractions. Do tell…

The harder part, here, is deciding what to do about this phenomenon, whether you’re tempter or temptee. My advice is to shine a big light on the situation. Mystery is the shadowy zone where suspicions take root. So if your partner tends to worry about interoffice correspondence springing up, invite him out for after-work drinks with the gang, or to the company picnic this summer. Familiarity, in this case, breeds understanding and defuses suspicions. And if you’re thinking about an extracurricular dalliance, take a step back. The only thing that works is to stick to the one-serious-relationship-at-a-time rule. If you’re not satisfied with the primary relationship, either fix it or end it. Then when Paula from accounting or Peter from HR starts hanging around your desk, you’ll reject the offer with good reason, or head off into the supply closet with nary a care in the world (unless, of course, there are security cameras and company rules about this sort of stuff).

　So you guys,

any comment?